Studyledge

Coursework: Discursive and Argumentative Writing: Question 4

Syllabus W2, W3

Structured 6 marks

A student has drafted this body paragraph for a discursive coursework assignment arguing that schools should introduce one hour of unstructured free time into the school day for student wellbeing:

"Schools should give students an hour of free time in the day. This would be really good for students. It would help everyone feel happier and do better in lessons. This is why schools need to change the timetable."

This paragraph states a claim but supports it with nothing beyond assertion. Rewrite it as a single developed paragraph (roughly 60–90 words) that:

  • keeps the same overall claim
  • adds specific reasoning and/or evidence to support it
  • removes at least one piece of vague, unsupported language (e.g. "really good," "everyone"). [6]
Show worked solution Hide worked solution

Worked solution

Assessment focus

This tests the ability to convert an assertion-only paragraph into a developed, evidenced one. A redrafting skill central to coursework, where there is time to review a first draft and notice where a claim is simply repeated rather than supported.

Mark scheme (6 marks)

  • 2 marks: same underlying claim kept (unstructured free time should be added for wellbeing).
  • 2 marks: specific reasoning or evidence introduced (e.g. concentration declining over a long unbroken instructional day, or a named comparison) rather than restated assertion.
  • 1 mark: vague, unsupported language (“really good,” “everyone”) removed or replaced with more precise, measured wording.
  • 1 mark: the rewrite reads as one cohesive, developed paragraph at roughly the specified length.

Model rewrite

Introducing a single hour of unstructured free time would ease the sustained pressure of a fully timetabled day, which research on adolescent concentration suggests declines sharply after several consecutive hours of formal instruction. A short, unstructured break (for reading, socialising or simply resting) allows that concentration to recover before the next lesson, rather than being expected to hold steady, unbroken, from the first period to the last.

Why this works

The claim is unchanged, but every sentence now does supporting work: the first gives a specific mechanism (concentration decline over a long instructional stretch) rather than the vague “really good,” and the second explains why the proposed break addresses that specific problem. Absolute, unsupported words like “everyone” and “really” have gone, replaced by a claim that is more measured and therefore more credible.

Common pitfalls specific to this task

  • Writing “Schools should definitely give students an hour of free time because it is extremely beneficial for absolutely everyone,” which intensifies the vague language rather than replacing it with reasoning.
  • Adding an invented, oddly precise statistic (“this improves grades by 34%”) with no plausible basis, which reads as unconvincing rather than evidenced.
  • Drifting onto a related but different claim, such as arguing for shorter school days generally, instead of supporting the original claim about unstructured free time specifically.