Directed Writing: Transforming Texts: Question 8

Worked solution

Assessment focus

This question tests whether a candidate can select the most persuasive evidence from a chronological set of personal notes and reshape it into the specific register of a formal complaint email: firm and evidence-based, but controlled rather than aggressive, and building towards an explicit, actionable request.

Mark scheme (9 marks)

• Conventions (2 marks): purpose stated clearly and early; a specific reference (order number SW-2214) included, showing the complaint is traceable and genuine.
• Register (2 marks): firm and assertive throughout, but controlled, no insults, no excessive capitalisation, no threats; equally, not so apologetic or hedging that the complaint loses force.
• Use of source ideas (3 marks): at least four ideas from the notes (damaged packaging, the fault itself, the 34-minute hold, the broken five-day promise, the unanswered follow-ups) integrated as developed evidence, not simply listed.
• Organisation (2 marks): the paragraph builds logically from problem to broken promise to a clearly stated request for resolution, rather than ending without a clear ask.

Model opening (112 words)

I am writing to complain about order SW-2214, a SoundWave Mini bluetooth speaker delivered on 6 June in damaged packaging, with a cracked casing visible on arrival. The speaker itself has proved faulty, cutting out every few minutes even at low volume. On 9 June, after a 34-minute wait, your advisor promised a replacement within five working days; it is now 30 June, and neither the replacement nor a response to my two follow-up emails has arrived. I understand that faults occur, but three weeks of silence after a clear promise is not acceptable. I would be grateful if you could confirm, within five working days, whether you will send a replacement or issue a full refund.

Why this works

The order reference and dates are used precisely, giving the complaint credibility from the first sentence; the register stays firm throughout (“is not acceptable”) without ever becoming aggressive or informal; four distinct ideas from the notes are woven into connected sentences that build a case rather than simply repeated; and the closing sentence states an explicit, time-bound request, which is exactly what a complaint email needs to be effective rather than just descriptive.

Common pitfalls specific to this task

• “This speaker is terrible and your company clearly doesn’t care about customers.”, vents frustration but offers no specific evidence and undermines the writer’s credibility through unsupported generalisation.
• Listing the five notes as separate sentences with no connectives or development (“The box was damaged. The speaker cuts out. I waited 34 minutes.”), accurate, but reads as raw notes rather than a shaped, persuasive email opening.