Narrative Composition: Question 4
Syllabus W1, W3, W5
Below is the paragraph immediately before the climax of a story, at the moment a character is about to open a letter containing her exam results. As written, it does very little to build tension before this climactic moment.
"Amara walked to the table where the letter was. She picked it up and looked at it for a while. She was nervous about what it might say. Then she opened it."
Suggest three specific changes the writer could make to this paragraph to build tension before the climax (for example, through sentence length, pacing, sensory detail, or delaying the action), and briefly explain the effect each change would have. [6]
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Worked solution
Assessment focus
This tests understanding of how pacing and detail, not simply more description, build tension immediately before a story’s climax, and the ability to explain precisely why a chosen technique has that effect.
Mark scheme (6 marks)
- 2 marks per suggestion (6 total, 3 suggestions required): 1 mark for naming a specific, genuine tension-building technique, 1 mark for correctly explaining the effect that technique has in this paragraph.
Model suggestions
- Use short, fragmented sentences right before the climactic action: “She reached the table. Stopped. The letter sat there, face-down.” Short, abrupt sentences quicken the reader’s pace, mimicking the character’s racing pulse and panicked, snatched thoughts, so the tension is felt as breathless urgency rather than calm description.
- Delay the opening of the letter with a small physical or sensory interruption, such as her fingers catching on the torn edge of the envelope, or a clock ticking somewhere in the room, rather than moving straight from “picked it up” to “opened it.” Withholding the climax briefly with an ordinary, seemingly unimportant detail increases the reader’s anticipation of what is being delayed.
- Replace the stated feeling “she was nervous” with a physical symptom of nerves, such as her jaw tightening or her thumb pressing hard against the paper. Showing the tension through the body is more immersive and specific than naming the emotion directly, and lets the physical detail, not a label, carry the tension.
Why this works
Each suggestion targets pacing or detail rather than simply adding more words: short sentences quicken the reading pace to create breathless urgency, a delaying interruption withholds the climax to build anticipation, and a physical symptom replaces a flat, stated emotion with something the reader can picture and feel.
Common pitfalls specific to this task
- Suggesting “add more suspenseful description,” which names no specific technique and gives the writer nothing concrete to do.
- Suggesting a flashback to the exam itself, which changes what the paragraph is about rather than intensifying the tension already present in this moment.