Presentation and Conversation Skills: Question 5
Syllabus SL2
Two candidates each began an individual talk on the same topic: learning to sail for the first time. Read both opening extracts.
Extract 1: "The first time the boat heeled right over and I felt the tiller fighting back in my hand, I honestly thought we were going to capsize. Today I want to take you through that first terrifying lesson, and how it turned into the thing I now love most about my summers."
Extract 2: "So yeah, basically I did this sailing thing over summer and it was like really scary at first but then it got okay I guess, and, um, there's loads of stuff I could say about it, like loads."
(a) Identify two features of Extract 1's spoken register that make it effective for a formal, assessed individual talk. [4]
(b) Identify two features of Extract 2's register that would count against the speaker, and rewrite Extract 2 as a single sentence that fixes both while keeping the same basic content. [4]
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Worked solution
Assessment focus
This question tests whether a candidate can judge spoken register specifically for the context of a formal, assessed individual talk. Recognising that “informal” is not the same as “ineffective,” and that the real fault line is between controlled, purposeful speech and shapeless, filler-heavy speech, regardless of formality level.
Why Extract 1 is effective (part a)
Extract 1 succeeds because it combines two things at once: concrete, sensory detail that lets the audience picture the moment (“the boat heeled right over,” “the tiller fighting back in my hand”), and a clear forward signal of what the talk will cover (“Today I want to take you through that first terrifying lesson…”). Both features are achieved in natural, fluent sentences (there is no filler, no vagueness, and no stiff over-formality) which is exactly the register a strong assessed talk needs.
Why Extract 2 is ineffective, and a model rewrite (part b)
Extract 2 is weakened by two related faults: heavy filler (“so yeah,” “um,” “I guess,” “like loads”) that makes the speaker sound uncertain and unrehearsed, and vague, unspecific content (“this sailing thing,” “loads of stuff”) that gives the audience nothing concrete to picture or a sense of where the talk is heading.
Model rewrite: “My first time sailing was frightening, I nearly capsized within the first ten minutes, but by the end of the summer, it had become the part of my week I looked forward to most.”
This rewrite removes all filler, adds a concrete detail (nearly capsizing within ten minutes), and gives the sentence a clear shape (frightening start, enjoyable outcome), while covering exactly the same basic content as the original.
Why this works
Both extracts describe the same real experience, but only one demonstrates the register expected of a formal, assessed talk: controlled, specific, and purposeful, even while sounding natural and personal rather than stiff. The comparison shows that effective spoken register is not about sounding “posh” or avoiding contractions, Extract 1 is warm and direct, but about speaking with clarity, concrete detail and a sense of direction, which filler and vagueness in Extract 2 both undermine.
Common pitfalls specific to this task
- Marking Extract 1 down for being “too casual” because it uses first person and contractions, rather than recognising that these are appropriate for a personal individual talk.
- In the rewrite, simply deleting the filler words without replacing the vague content with anything concrete, producing a shorter but equally unspecific sentence.
- Identifying only one weakness in Extract 2 (usually filler) and missing the second, distinct weakness of vague, unspecific content.