Summary Writing: Question 9
Syllabus R1, R2, R5, W1, W2, W3
Hartfield Town Council is considering a proposal to cover the flat roof of the town hall with solar panels, a project first suggested by a group of sixth-form students who presented their research to a council meeting last month.
An independent energy consultant estimated that a full array could supply around sixty percent of the building's annual electricity use, cutting the council's energy bill by roughly two thousand pounds a year once installation costs, expected to be recovered within nine years, have been paid off. The consultant also noted that the roof's flat surface and unobstructed south-facing aspect make it unusually well suited to solar panels compared with most buildings in the town centre.
Several councillors have raised concerns about up-front cost, since the council would need to borrow around eighteen thousand pounds to fund the installation, and two councillors would prefer to wait until next year's budget review before committing any money. The town hall's roof was last resurfaced only four years ago, and the surveyor who carried out that work has confirmed it remains in excellent condition and would not need any further work before panels could be fitted.
A nearby secondary school installed a similar system two years ago and reports that it has already covered a third of its own installation cost through reduced energy bills, a comparison the sixth-formers cited directly in their presentation.
Some residents have also asked whether the panels would be visible from the historic market square below; the council's planning officer has confirmed the flat roof means they would not be visible from ground level at all.
Focus for this task: the reasons in favour of installing solar panels on the town hall roof.
One student drafted the following summary in response to this focus, within a stated limit of no more than 35 words:
"The council is considering solar panels after sixth-form students presented their research last month. The roof's unobstructed south-facing aspect makes it well suited to panels, which could cut energy bills by roughly two thousand pounds a year and pay for themselves within nine years."
(a) Identify THREE flaws in this draft summary. For each, quote the words that show the flaw. [6]
(b) Rewrite the draft as an improved summary that corrects all three flaws and stays within the 35-word limit. [5]
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Worked solution
Assessment focus
This question tests a skill distinct from selecting and writing a summary from scratch: evaluating a completed draft against the criteria a strong summary must meet (relevance, own words, word limit), then redrafting it correctly. All three flaws are common, realistic mistakes rather than invented technicalities.
Part (a): The three flaws in the draft
- Irrelevant background content: “sixth-form students presented their research last month” describes how the proposal came about, not a reason in favour of installing the panels themselves. It answers a different question (“where did this idea come from?”) rather than the stated focus.
- An unrephrased lifted phrase: “unobstructed south-facing aspect” is taken directly from the consultant’s assessment in the passage without being put into the student’s own words, even though the surrounding sentence is otherwise a paraphrase.
- Exceeding the word limit: the draft runs to 44 words against a stated limit of 35, nine words over.
Mark scheme for (a), up to 6 marks: 2 marks per correctly identified flaw (1 for correct identification, 1 for an accurate supporting quotation or count), to a maximum of three flaws.
Part (b): Redrafting the summary
A strong rewrite drops the irrelevant background detail, rephrases the borrowed phrase into the student’s own words, and cuts back to within the word limit while keeping the genuine reasons in favour, for example:
“The roof’s flat, sunny orientation makes it ideal for panels, which would cut energy bills by about two thousand pounds a year and repay their cost within nine years, echoing a nearby school’s savings.” (34 words)
Mark scheme for (b), up to 5 marks: 1 mark for removing the irrelevant sixth-form/research detail; 1 mark for rephrasing “unobstructed south-facing aspect” into different wording rather than lifting it; 1 mark for staying within the 35-word limit; 1 mark for retaining the genuine reasons in favour (energy-bill saving, payback period, and/or the comparison with a nearby school); 1 mark for connected, fluent prose rather than a disjointed list.
Points that should NOT be credited as flaws
- The draft’s inclusion of the cost saving and payback period. These are genuine, relevant reasons in favour and should be kept in the redraft, not removed.
- The draft’s decision not to mention the councillors’ funding concerns or the roof’s visibility from the square. These belong to a different focus (concerns, not reasons in favour) and their absence is not itself a flaw here.
Common pitfalls specific to this text
- Some candidates identify the word-limit flaw correctly but miscount, so their explanation does not match the actual length of the draft.
- The comparison with the nearby school’s savings is sometimes wrongly treated as background detail and cut from the redraft, when it is in fact a genuine reason in favour that the original draft omitted entirely.
- When correcting the lifted phrase, some candidates replace “unobstructed south-facing aspect” with an equally close synonym-for-synonym substitution rather than genuinely re-expressing the idea.