Writing Task 2: Opinion (Agree/Disagree) Essay: Question 4
Syllabus W.task2
Some employers now offer financial rewards, such as bonuses or reduced insurance premiums, to employees who maintain a healthy lifestyle, for example by not smoking or exercising regularly.
To what extent do you agree or disagree that employers should be allowed to offer such financial rewards?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
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Worked solution
Examiner notes: why this is a band 9 response
Task Response
The introduction states a clear, single position (“I disagree… it oversteps the proper boundary”) and both body paragraphs build a genuinely distinct case for that same position, a fairness objection and a privacy/precedent objection, rather than repeating one idea twice. The conclusion does not simply restate the opening; it adds a constructive alternative (voluntary support such as subsidised gym membership), which shows full engagement with the underlying issue rather than a mechanical restatement.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay moves logically from an individual-level objection (fairness to a specific employee) to a broader, structural objection (precedent for intrusion), signposted by “The first difficulty is…” and “A second concern is…”. Reference chains (“such schemes”, “the two”, “this principle”) tie sentences together smoothly, and the extended example of the nurse is integrated directly into the paragraph’s argument rather than tacked on afterward.
Lexical Resource
Register is consistently formal and precise: “oversteps the proper boundary”, “productivity-driven logic”, “penalise circumstances employees cannot control”. The essay avoids repeating “unfair” by instead varying the idea through “reward the healthy rather than the diligent” and “treated as though effort… explained the difference in reward”, showing flexible paraphrase rather than a limited, repeated vocabulary set.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Complex subordination is handled with complete accuracy: a reason clause (“since health is shaped by…”), a concessive clause opening the conclusion (“while genuinely improving… is a worthwhile goal”), and an embedded non-defining relative clause (“a principle that could just as easily expand into…”). No errors of tense, agreement or article use occur across the four paragraphs.
Common pitfalls specific to this task
See commonMistakes above: the most damaging band 6 error on this prompt is disagreeing with employer incentives in the introduction, then accidentally writing a body paragraph that only praises healthy living in general, which actually supports the opposite side and undermines the stated position.