Studyledge

Coursework: Planning, Drafting and Redrafting: Question 7

Syllabus W2, W5

Multiple choice 1 mark

A candidate is redrafting the opening paragraph of a discursive coursework assignment arguing that public libraries deserve more government funding. This paragraph is from her SECOND draft:

"Public libraries provide a vital service to every community, offering free access to information, technology and quiet study space regardless of a visitor's income. Honestly though, my local library is kind of a mess and the Wi-Fi never works, which is so annoying. Government funding for libraries has fallen steadily over the past decade, even though demand for their services has grown."

Which sentence breaks the formal, argumentative register established by the rest of this paragraph? [1]

Choose an answer to check it, then compare with the worked solution below.
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Worked solution

Assessment focus

Rereading a draft for register consistency is a specific redrafting skill: checking that the tone established at the start of a piece, formal and evidence-based here, is maintained sentence by sentence, rather than slipping into conversational speech patterns partway through.

Why B is correct

Sentence B breaks register in several ways at once: the discourse marker “Honestly though” belongs to spoken conversation, not argumentative prose; “kind of a mess” and “so annoying” are vague, casual intensifiers rather than the precise, evidenced claims used elsewhere in the paragraph; and the sentence shifts from discussing libraries generally to a single personal anecdote with no argumentative function. Every other sentence keeps a consistent, formal, claim-based register.

Why the distractors are wrong

  • A opens the paragraph in a formal register (a general claim (“a vital service”) supported by specific detail (information, technology, study space)) and stays consistent with the rest of the paragraph.
  • C closes the paragraph with a formal, evidenced claim about funding trends, matching sentence A’s register exactly.
  • D is wrong because it denies an obvious and specific register shift; B’s spoken-style phrasing is clearly less formal than the sentences either side of it.

Mark scheme

  • 1 mark for selecting B.
  • 0 marks for any other option. No partial credit, since this is a discrete single-answer selection question.