Descriptive Composition: Question 2
Syllabus W2, W3
The sentence below tells the reader the writer's feeling directly, rather than showing it through detail.
"Grandad's kitchen was cosy and made me feel safe."
Rewrite this as two or three sentences that show the same feeling, using sensory or physical detail, without using the words "cosy," "safe," or any other word that directly names the feeling. [4]
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Worked solution
Assessment focus
This tests the core “show, don’t tell” skill: converting a named emotion into sensory or behavioural detail that lets the reader infer the feeling for themselves.
Mark scheme (4 marks)
- 1 mark: no banned feeling-word used anywhere in the rewrite.
- 1 mark: at least two different senses used (e.g. smell and touch, or sound and touch).
- 1 mark: a physical or behavioural detail (e.g. curling up, a particular smell, warmth on skin) that plausibly implies the feeling.
- 1 mark: the rewrite still clearly evokes the same feeling as the original sentence, just without naming it.
Model rewrite
The kitchen smelled of bread and something sweet just out of the oven, and the old radiator under the window ticked and hissed to itself. I curled into the corner of the sofa, tucking my feet up under me, and didn’t want to be anywhere else.
Why this works
Smell (“bread,” “something sweet”) and sound (“ticked and hissed”) replace the label “cosy,” and the physical action of curling up and tucking in feet implies both warmth and a sense of safety through behaviour rather than statement. The final clause (“didn’t want to be anywhere else”) reinforces the feeling without naming it directly.
Common pitfalls specific to this task
- Writing “The kitchen was warm and homely,” which simply swaps one telling adjective for another rather than showing.
- Describing an unrelated detail, such as the pattern on the curtains, that does nothing to build warmth or safety.