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Descriptive Composition: Question 5

Syllabus W1, W3

Structured 9 marks

Write three or four sentences describing an abandoned seaside pier at dusk. Use exactly one simile and one instance of personification to build a single controlling mood of decay and abandonment, and no other figurative language beyond these two devices. [9]

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Worked solution

Assessment focus

This tests controlled use of figurative language: choosing one simile and one instance of personification that both serve a single mood, rather than piling in imagery for its own sake.

Mark scheme (9 marks)

  • Simile (3 marks): an apt, original comparison that reinforces decay and abandonment rather than a generic or clichéd image.
  • Personification (3 marks): a specific, believable human quality given to something non-human, consistent with the same mood.
  • Controlling mood (2 marks): every sentence contributes to one sustained mood, with no detail or image that contradicts it.
  • Restraint (1 mark): exactly the two required devices are used, no additional simile, metaphor or personification crowding the picture.

Model description

The pier’s boards sagged like a spine bent by decades of storms, and rust ran in long, dull streaks down a handrail whose paint had flaked away to bare, pitted metal. The wind gusted through the gaps in the planks and sighed, the sound fading into the empty length of boards. Nothing on the pier moved except that sound.

Why this works

The simile (“sagged like a spine bent by decades of storms”) and the personification (the wind “sighed”) both reinforce the same idea, a worn-out structure nearing its end, rather than introducing separate, competing images. Everything else is plain, literal physical detail: the rust simply runs down the handrail and the paint has flaked away, with no further human quality attributed to either. No further figurative device is added, and the final short sentence (“Nothing on the pier moved except that sound”) lands with impact because it is not competing with extra imagery.

Common pitfalls specific to this task

  • Adding a second simile (e.g. “the sea hissed like static”) on top of the required one, which breaks the “exactly one” instruction and dilutes focus.
  • Choosing a bright, energetic personification (“the sea danced and sparkled”) that undercuts rather than supports a mood of decay.