Narrative Composition: Question 2
Syllabus W2, W4
The dialogue exchange below is flat: both speakers state their feelings directly and speak in full, formal sentences that don't sound like natural, revealing speech.
"I am very angry that you broke my phone," said Priya. "I am also disappointed in you." "I am sorry," said Tom. "I did not mean to break it. I feel very guilty."
Rewrite this exchange as 4–6 lines of dialogue that reveal Priya's anger and Tom's guilt through word choice, sentence length, interruption or subtext. without using the words "angry," "disappointed," "sorry" or "guilty." [6]
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Worked solution
Assessment focus
This tests the ability to reveal character and emotion through the craft of dialogue itself (sentence length, interruption, hesitation and subtext) rather than through stated feeling or explanatory narration.
Mark scheme (6 marks)
- 2 marks: Priya’s anger is conveyed through dialogue craft (e.g. a clipped, accusing rhythm; an interruption; a short, pointed question) rather than a stated feeling.
- 2 marks: Tom’s guilt is conveyed through hesitation, repetition or an unfinished sentence rather than a stated feeling.
- 1 mark: none of “angry,” “disappointed,” “sorry,” “guilty” (or an equivalent feeling-word) appears anywhere in the rewrite.
- 1 mark: the two characters have distinct, differentiated voices that read as natural speech.
Model rewrite
“You didn’t think to say anything? Three days, Tom.” “I was going to. I just didn’t know how to bring it up.” “There isn’t a ‘how.’ You just say it.” “I know. I know. I’ll get it fixed, I promise, I’ll—” “Don’t. Just. Don’t.”
Why this works
Priya’s anger comes through in clipped, interrupting lines (“There isn’t a ‘how.’ You just say it.”) rather than any stated feeling, and her final “Don’t. Just, don’t.” cuts Tom off mid-promise. Tom’s guilt is shown through repetition (“I know. I know.”), an unfinished sentence (“I’ll—”), and over-explaining rather than a simple, composed apology. No banned word is used anywhere, and the two voices (one clipped and pointed, one stumbling and repetitive) are clearly distinct.
Common pitfalls specific to this task
- Writing “I’m really sorry, I feel terrible about it, I promise I’ll fix it,” which is fluent and composed. The opposite of the hesitation genuine guilt would produce here.
- Having Priya say “I’m so furious with you right now,” which simply replaces “angry” with a synonym that still names the feeling directly.